Moving on after this break up

Hello,

So in the past few weeks My Mom has decided to get married, not just married but married to a man she has only know for over two months, Married in 52 days from NOW.

So I am breaking up with her. Not over her getting married I am breaking up with her over her pure lack of consideration and the attitude of "I am going to do what I Damn well please and if you don't like it, well you can shove it up your a**".


I had to be around for my moms "break up" with my father. Not just around but I sat in my pretend "happy" little world and watched it shatter into thousands of pieces. During that time it was hard for me. I was going into my teen years, my siblings were leaving as fast as they could. I didn't know who I was or where I belonged, or even who's side to be on, if any. My once familiar and cozy world was unrecognizable, and cold.

When I was a child my mom and I were not close. Looking back on it now I can say that I felt that to my mom I was a burden. She didn't spend time with me so I was with out a doubt a daddies girl. I did almost everything with my dad. We hunted, fished, he let me drive (starting at 11). We would go ice skating or canoeing down the river.

When my Mom kicked my dad out of the house when I was 12 that began to change. We lived in separate houses. Soon he lived at home and I was not allowed to. {Random thought: The day we moved out of "our" house when I was 13ish I didn't realize that, that was going to be the last time I would live there. The last Christmas or birthday. In a way the last time my feet/mind would have a solid concept of "home"}. So we (mom and I) spent the next 5-6 years jumping around a new house almost every year. And Me at 12 had to grow up, the familiar family things that my siblings grew up with I didn't have the privilege of.

I took my new role (no training offered) with out help. I know people would see how my mom and I interacted and I was labeled "rude" but in all honesty we were not "MOTHER/DAUGHTER" we were house partners. She didn't want to be around me, and I didn't want to be around her. Given we did at times enjoy each other. Over the 9 years we were placed with each other we did get close.

So with all that said. I am doing what I feel is emotionally healthiest for me. I feel let down and shut out. I spent 21 years 9 close years with her and she has basically given me no time to be a part of her "new" life. I guess I thought I was a big part of her life but apparently either I wasn't or I just wasn't a big enough part.

I don't think I can tolerate this

So My mum has a Bf/fiance. She hasn't been with any one since my dad 10yr+. I feel she is rushing things they are planning on getting married in May. They have know each other a little over a month and have been dating maybe 5 weeks.

It seems to me that the attitude she is putting off on this whole thing is pure defense. Instead of listening to our points of view and attempting to see it our way it seems she is saying "I hear you, and your opinions, I don't agree so I am going to do it my way". I told a friend that her actions remind me of how I was in high school except I didn't even pretend to care or hear any one or there opinion. I was going to do what I wanted to do and I didn't care who or what got in the way. Looking back Quite selfish if I do say so myself.

Other news: So it seems to me that every one I know is hooking up, I mean pairing off. It is scary. In high school every one was getting knocked up, now the ones who didn't get knocked up are getting Married, moving in together.

I guess I just feel alone here. I haven't found any one that I can relate to. I am an off beat person, I am strange and I enjoy it. All the people I have met are ether students or business people. They are here because of there jobs or to find jobs in the fields they revived there degrees in.

Why I am here: I am here because back in 2008 I had to have my tonsils removed. I had been sick for about 6 months. Two weeks before my scheduled surgery I was fired from my job. I didn't feel that it was a good idea to go out and look for a new job because in two weeks I would have to take at least 6 weeks off from the new job (turned out that I was un able to leave the house for about a month with out getting sick an hour into the trip, and I couldn't talk for 6 weeks).
So I went ahead with my surgery with no money to pay for it. Once I could speak again I got a part time job being paid about $7/hr.

Back home I am a CNA (certified nurses aid). Looking back now I should have gone right back into working at retirement homes. They pay at least $10/hr even though it is hard work it is steady and no matter what the economy does you will always have a job. But I didn't do that I jumped around group homes and assisted living jobs for a year and a half until I landed at Evergreen Health and Rehab (I really like working there and because I had been fried from so many other jobs they gave me a big chance!).

So I had the surgery and then I decided to ignore the bills. Not the best idea out there. By Oct 2009 one of the collection companies seized my bank account at least by this point I was making $11/hr and I could pay some money to them.

Back to why I am here. I have about 10,000 in debt I know to some of you that isn't much but for me it is huge. I am only 21 and to have that debt just sickens me. That is why I am here I can make money faster and easier her and because I am living with my sister I have virtually no living expenses and the cost of living is much lower here. So the ability for me to save money is greater. I plan on being here a little under a year I figure I can have my bills paid off in 6 months and then save enough cash to go home, rent an apartment, work part time and go back to school.

Two months

Hello all.

So it has been about two months since I last posted. I have well been busy. In the past two months this is what I have done

*Quit my job
*packed my belongings into three suite cases
*Moved to Hong Kong
*Broke my computer
*Got drunk with my brother in-law

Some more things have happened but there not really "tabs" in my memory like those five events are.

So the first month was hard I have to admit. In the first two weeks I broke my computer, it is strange how that happened. I had about 20+ viruses on my computer and one of them that allowed me to gain knowledge of the viruses was a fake anti-virus. Well it screwed up my computer hard core. But luckily for me there is at least one person who is a GENIUS with computers who LOVES me and who I haven't driven away with my acidic humor and sharp tongue. So we set up a date I turned over control of my computer to him and from the US he fixed it... AMAZING sadly that nigh it fell off the couch worked ok for about 15min then froze up. I went to re-start it and well you get the idea.
The next day was shit because I felt (un-admitting) that I had just cut myself off from all I had know, my friends, my family, and well my former life. So that day turned into a depressed day of yelling and tears. But looking back on it now it was as if I was morning well my past, my former life. It did force me to make a life here, that and read... a lot, I read four books in about a two week time period.

But that is just one story of the events big and small that have happened here.
BIG: Got three job interviews, got hired with two, bailed out of one, (currently waiting for sponsorship for a work visa from the other), Lost my sisters Designer purse (+Toothpaste, toothbrush, and ipod included), lost all music off computer :(, Helper was dismissed, Took place of helper, {bad position for me... I am not only not a clean person *I BATHE!* but I honestly don't care about messy places}
Little: Made some Casual friends, Joined a stuck up chat forum, went to see Alice in Wonderland (alone), Lost about 30Lbs, got new glasses.

I think this is me doing a re-intro new life new book, fuck chapters. I am writing a bloody novel!

well I guess I will make an attempt at updating this weekly, that sounds like something i might be able to schedule.